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  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

  • When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

  • If you have an all-state insurance, please don't hit me.--Thank you Cita

  • A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

  • The less hair I have, the more head I get.

  • If you can read this bumper sticker you are driving too close.

  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

  • I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

  • When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

  • If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

  • It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

  • Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.

  • Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

  • If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
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Published in Cyberquotations