- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
- If you have an all-state insurance, please don't hit me.--Thank you Cita
- A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
- The less hair I have, the more head I get.
- If you can read this bumper sticker you are driving too close.
- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
- Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
- I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
- When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
- If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
- He who laughs last thinks slowest.
- Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
- If Clinton is the answer, it must have been a stupid question.
Published in Cyberquotations