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At long last... The Men's Guide to what a woman really means when she says something. Pay close attention (there might be a quiz later).
  • You want = You want
  • We need = I want
  • It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
  • Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
  • We need to talk = I need to complain
  • Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
  • I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
  • You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
  • You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
  • I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
  • Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
  • This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
  • I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
  • I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
  • Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
  • I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
  • Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
  • How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
  • I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
  • Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
  • You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
  • Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
  • Yes = No
  • No = No
  • Maybe = No
  • I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
  • Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
  • Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
  • I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
  • All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
The answer to "What's wrong?"
  • The same old thing = Nothing
  • Nothing = Everything
  • Everything = My PMS is acting up
  • Nothing, really = It's just that you're such an asshole
  • I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam
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Published in OracleHumor.com